Ik its hard rn but I hope you forgive yourself one day and take this pain as an opportunity to grow and become the better brother you wouldve wanted your lil brother to see. I am bawling my eyes out right now. As each one connected with me, we found relief and a little bit of healing. I cant seem to allow the good memories to outshine the bad ones. Maria Lyall June 3, 2016 at 2:14 am Reply, My son took his own life 3months ago at the age of 30. He is dead gone from this life and my heart is broken. I am in the UK. I dont get it. Please talk to someone- reach out. It was unthinkable given our past as college roommates and roommates later in life when I was living on a couch in a house he was renting. My brother committed suicide by hanging six months ago, he was my only sibling. Damaging childhoods are at the root of so much suffering in this world. I miss my dad so much. My whole world caved in and I died with him that day as Ive never been the same ever since. I dont think I will ever enjoy life again. And that his kindness was laced with volatility, and that more often. To me I didnt lose a father, I lost an abuser, so theres nothing to be sorry for. You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself through out the years. I wish and pray there was something I could have done, but ultimately I feel he is finally at peace and is in heaven holding our beautiful baby that we lost together. My younger brother hung himself May 28,2018. But, my friend told me what happened to her almost a year after she killed herself. No matter how hard we try we can never be there at all times and we cannot always be able to save those we love. I lost my boyfriend and best friend to suicide six months ago. The pain is still very raw and fresh. I cant imagine the pain he must have been suffering to choose to end this life which he loved so much. He drank excessively and frequented hookers. Our 21 year old boy strangled himself to death inside his locked room yesterday. Yes, I read thosevery insightful, thank you, My best friend, the person I love most in the world took his own life Sunday. He had so many cuts his arms were covered in blood, and he was crying. here seems like a good place to just, i dont know, put it out? We talked about it and he promised me hed always call me if his mind started to wander into the darkness. we loved each other so much, we made each other happy, specially after coming from really bad marriages. There is a heavy silence over me whenever Im home, just doing what I need to do like eat or clean up, but the whole time, Im just quiet. And while we loved him, he was often difficult to be around and very hard to get close to. It hasnt gotten easier, theres so many fagors to this. I cannot, not learn from this situation. My fiance and I were sitting on the couch watching tv until he suddenly shut the tv off, cuddled me very silently for half an hour, then pulled a gun out from nowhere and shot himself while I was trying to pull it off of his head. You are the most important person in your life yes, you should think about others and do all that you can to help them, too, but you should always come first on the basest level. After he was gone for the 5 wks & his professor didnt answer his emails. Give yourself time to heal. My daughter was 30 also and left behind my 8 yr old grandson too. This is common when you are mourning. Please read about quantum immortality. His precious puppy son of 17 years had been put down one month to the date that he killed himself. This is a good sentiment to express when a friend's loved one dies from any cause, including suicide. Its called: Ride Peace through Connection with Self Spirit Nature, Ive come across this article 18 years after my first love took his life outside my house. My girlfriend was beautiful, charismatic and beautiful. Suicide is a very hard thing to deal with. I miss my mum. It wasnt until the Friday morning after that phone call with my friend that I received another phone call from her close cousin telling me that she had killed herself. Shana Chappell said her son, Dakota Halverson, 28, killed himself near the anniversary of his brother, Lance Cpl. He was my best friend. Kieron October 29, 2020 at 3:46 pm Reply. Barbara J. I myself had began making plans to take my own life, when I couldnt deal with the constant Stress and deep depression that has taken over. My heart goes out to each every one of you. A few months later she met a lovely guy and he was a tonic it seemed. Journey on. My little sister shot herself in the head a week ago. I feel so guilty for: not seeing the signs; not taking the time required to really explore how he was feeling before I left town, and for leaving when he obviously needed me most. And under the moonlight he jumped after putting his belongings on a neat line, even with his his bank card showing his ID. And I know what your thinking this wasnt your fault but it was. Litsa September 2, 2022 at 11:10 pm Reply. He was 21 short to 22 with 2 weeks. It was a sudden unplanned act, I think because he still made plans to meet friends 2 days later. I am heartbroken. I was so busy with work for a few days leading up to the end that maybe I was less attentive than I should have been. Please remove my 2 posts under Mary Kral. My boyfriend killed himself Dec 6 2020 I never saw it coming we had only been dating officially less than a year he moved to my home town for me right after he got out the Marines. He was my best friend from the start. Its important! He hung up and told me. Your sister wasnt thinking rationally for if she was she would have considered the heartbreak she would be causing those that loved her. I need to embrace my life and heal. If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online. I dont know if he thought about killing himself or if it was a random decision. Im so sorry for your loss. My parents are a wreck. They say others have worse things happen to them, is that helpful ? I forgive his sins and omissions, and I forgive mine. He had other mental issues with a traumatic Brain Injury. This kind of death creates an incredibly painful and complicated grief to endure. I am so lost because of the circumstances we cannot have memorial until July 7 ,2018. It makes sense. I miss him everyday and this time of year can be overwhelming at times. I slapped her and she slapped me back.She walked off and changed her cloths, it was pouring rain and she had been outside and got wet. i will never know if there was a tumor that caused this or maybe his choice to end his life was a side-effect from the depression meds he was given. That wasnt my daddy. You can search for suicide loss groups in your area at this website: https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group. I started threatening to turn him in for something he had done a few years ago in order to get him to try to work this out. He had almost the same situation and turned to drugs also. He was uncaring and unfeeling. Sometimes I wonder why he didnt want to take me with him. I highly recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-recovery-is-not-a-thing/ I also suggest you give this article a read: https://whatsyourgrief.com/five-stages-of-grief/ Although the idea of working through five stages of grief and then reaching healing is desirable, it is rarely that straightforward. My 16 year old daughter took her life on 12/28/2020. I miss him every day. He found out Id packed a bag and planned to run away, that Id packed extra packets of paracetamol and figured it out. After any death, mourners mayfeel like theyre losing it; and traumatic loss often exacerbates these feelings. The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing. I would fly into a panic if my mom didnt answer the telephone or if I received an unexpected phone call from a family member. We did not have a sister relationship anymore. My 16 year old daughter lost a friend to suicide a couple of weeks ago. I'm not going to say some bullshit about just giving it time or something, the truth for me is that if I actually allow myself to feel the loss, even today, it brings me to tears almost instantly. I lost my mom to suicide 7 months ago. Try and overlook the emotions your feeling long enough to sit and think whatever it was that made your Dad make that call was bigger then his love for you and it was a darkness that was just too much for him. Seven years ago, I thought the worst possible thing that could ever happen, happened. committed [kuh-mit-id] adjective bound or obligated to a person or thing, as by pledge or assurance; devoted: People who take their life dont want to die, they are desperate and see no other way to end their pain, or end the pain they feel they are causing people they love. Seeing all the people that loved him and reading about the things he did for people. I always knew there was something wrong with my brother; he was older than me, Im the youngest. On nights that were particularly tough, Id take all of his weapons from his house to be sure hed be safe. About a year later and a whole lot of other issues (oldest came out as transgender amongst them) I had an epiphany: what good does it due to be angry with a dead man.? For me, not knowing the truth, led me to fear history repeating itself. It does not mean you will act on those thoughts. Check in with your local mental health association. I dont know what I hope to achieve by writing this. Im am devastated which I know is understandable but I also feel so guilty that I should have been able to do more. I wish you well and one day happiness but like me you will never forget . Its never easy and it changes not only your life, but soul forever. He wasnt in the house and the dog was shaking. It makes you reevaluate your understanding of Life. Its all she could talk about! It was a Saturday that she took her life and we spent one of the most beautiful day together making each other happy. Little Jack is a clone of his daddy. I heard laughter outside ok the second day, and it felt like disrespect. He had been drinking and was not in a stable place. However, just a few days ago, my friend texts me again to say that she did go to the viewing and met TJs parents and they told her that he had hung himself. Your time. Danielle March 31, 2021 at 10:39 pm Reply. Kayla, Im truly so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry to all of you who have had the tragic loss of a loved one, sincerely! I stopped it so many times before. He used two handguns at the same time so I know it wasn an accident. My brother hung himself too but losing two must be unbearable Julie. Jen I so agree with youdrugs and alcohol do such damage to the happy parts of the brain and the sadness created is unbearable for many people, Anita Pandolfe May 18, 2016 at 8:08 am Reply, Penny Caldwell May 18, 2016 at 12:38 am Reply. I worked in Childrens Service when this happened and I was treated poorly, due to people not knowing how to approach me. I wish everyone else here the best, it is so horrible to read all your stories. I am very sorry for everyone here and their losses! What he never did was give us and he learned to read and write and graduated from high school. I cant stop thinking about how this could have been avoided. That being said, you can feel free to comment with any questions here and I will do my best to answer them. Nobody really knew her, or noticed she was gone. No booze of course. Of course she texted him as soon as we gave her our answernever got a reply. When we could finally go back into the STICU he didnt look himself. All the best to you. I rather want to be alone in a room than spending time with my family and friends. , Isabelle Siegel February 9, 2021 at 9:16 am Reply. The relief I thought I would feel has not yet come. the head of the snake will be cut off, thus rendering the world of one less poisonous slither. I was with him every day for the past year working with him and he thought me everything I know. A man kills himself every two hours. We sang really loud and ate amazing spaghetti. Hugs to you this Holiday Season. I loved that man and I still do. She had attempted it 3 other times that I know of when we were together. and I feel like so much guilt like I could never say or do the right thing. My friend was a veteran and my neighbor. I didn't tell them because i don't want his life tarnished. I will be thinking good thoughts and sending you all the love in the world right now. Just a year and a half after my mom, when . That this was her decision and nobodys fault. My world is fractured. Unresolved grief will catch up with you as you have found out. The pain of finding the man I love like that, is indescribable. Its been a helpful resource. I looked for nearly 30 minutes before i found him. We are heartbroken. I still dont believe it almost 7 months later. As the police came to the door he pulled the trigger. Very recent. It was never about money for either of us. No signs no nothing of this ever happening. That was a Monday. She called my daughter and told her to google his name and she too found his obituary. Wow I cant believe so much people are going through what I am going through. He was only 19 years old. that it was part of a condition Im unable to fully grasp. I could cry so many times, be in bed most of the days, feel guilty, rejected, alone, empty, hopeless, lifeless , worthless , and be miserable but I know it will never bring him back physically alive. We took him off of life support 12/23/18 as there was no hope. People mourn in different ways. Zane, Im so very sorry for your loss. I have been spoilt rotten the last 11 years. IS THIS WHY MY SON TOOK HIS LIFE? I am 23 years old, have been to 20 funerals in the past 10 years, and none of them have ever haunted me quite like this. That leaves you questioning every aspect of your life. I am so very worried for my son. Its so painful to see pictures of my brother with a beautiful smile and to remember what is left now. I am so sorry that you didnt receive a meaningful response to your original post. I dont know how, or when, but it will. He lost his son and I my brother- Our worlds are different and there is hope in prayer and in tomorrow. Kieron, I am truly so very sorry for the multiple losses you had to endure. and Ill never forget those eyes staring back at me and informing me shed shot herself in the head and was dead. We are grappling with grief that has been paralyzing beyond comprehension. Here is a summary from one article, I hope it might help you . IsabelleS January 6, 2021 at 10:39 am Reply. Suicide is unlike any other death. I have two sentences so far. Blood pressure medicine. Please stay strong for your children. It feels like some emotional prison, i just cannot understand that i do not want to accept it. I live in different state and i could not find the time to visit her, instead we spoke on chat, our mutual good friend was visiting her as much as he could. I knew, yet I never had the courage to finally talk to her. She hung herself in a park near my neighbourhood. He was a beloved 8th grade math teacher and leaves behind a wife and 5 five-year-old son, who was his whole world.