Sue Jones But coke didnt mean for its bottle to explode and take your arm off either. This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. Go argue with the feminists. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! This guy isnt worth anyones time. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor.
He loves me but got someone else pregnant - Love Letters.com Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Do you have any other questions?
9 Feelings Everyone Experiences When They Find Out Their Ex Is - Romper Scummy is the wrong word to use. My heart broke into a million pieces. I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? If you want something different, you must do something different. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. Sorry for any confusion! We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. Lucky us. I appreciate the points youre trying to make. Always follow your gut and your instincts. So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. Argh. Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. It seems they are in a good place now, but I checked my mans texts and she still flirts with him and tries to get him back. theQuietOne Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! The guy started dating someone else. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? You dont honestly believe that logic that applies to one situation should be applied to all situations, do you? I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. At least, as a woman, you have that option. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. . They probably hang out for a few weeks more, she kind of gets on his nerves for whatever reason and starts to bug the shit out of him. John Rohan That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. But, the real reason you can't let go is because you feel bad that you've invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. April 10, 2012, 4:35 pm. iseeshiny ! And then of course Ross WE WERE ON A BREAK meltdown. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option.
I think the LW and her ex would do better to break up for good. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? This woman is having a baby, not a concept. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. He made his position very clear very early on. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A
Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. AndreaMarie I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. A kid is not a building. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. Seriously? But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. He says he cant stand her? Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. lets_be_honest Or until we decide to start a family.. because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Abandoning a child does. Its a great idea, really, for someone who is unfit and probably on the verge of abuse or something else horrible. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. I dont feel like his decision to not be involved in his biological childs life makes him an immature asshole. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. Yes, its true it is past the point. Move on already, LW. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. Iwannatalktosampson April 9, 2012, 5:13 pm.
He Won't Leave Her: 5 Harsh Truths 'The Other Woman' Must Face April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. April 10, 2012, 9:46 pm. April 10, 2012, 6:21 pm, And yet men still keep having sex with us. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. No. I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. Your choice. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion.
A Breakup During Pregnancy Made Me Realize the Mom I Want to Be Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. I'm devastated and broken. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. You have the proof he banged her and now they have a child together. I never really got over him and he never got over me. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. The woman accepts the ejaculate what she does with it is now her business, and her business alone. female
He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. Where exactly do you live? April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. What a joke. Thats not the point here. Fyrebyrd2 Interesting!
When an Abortion Destroys a Relationship - The Atlantic Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. And I am, I must admit. What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. Especially the children. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. lets_be_honest If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks).
Im quite late to the discussion, but I took a lot of time reading over the comments, trying to make sense of the two sides of the argument at hand. just like anyone else we were shocked given i was on bc & for me abortion/adoption was just out of the question . SpaceySteph (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Birth control isnt full-proof. April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. Like getting child support is easy. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. That is not acceptable. Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. He didnt come chasing after you. lets_be_honest And there are many things that can happen that make it even less effective, like forgetting a pill, taking antibiotics, etc. Let me repeat myself IT IS NOT A LOTTERY WIN. Imagine that you get to design a law that will allow fairness no matter which of these happens. Why you ask? April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. It could fail. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Is it the fact that he wants something different from what she does that makes him scum? No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants..
My boyfriend got another girl pregnant. What should we do? IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. Theyve both made their choice. My sister has 3 birth control babies. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. .of F****** Idiots. Sometimes the contribution of a father who doesnt want to be a father is far worse than the lack of father. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. But it also ought to be her responsibility. Sue Jones
She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. Hes scum all around in my book. Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender.
Should I leave my GF because she's pregnant by someone else? But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. If he doesnt want to have children that much, yes, he should be the one to do everything to prevent it. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. I think hes an asshole for sleeping with a woman he cant stand without using a condom. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A
Understand that he will not leave her for you. I think that is a pretty bad guess with how this guys attitude is towards things, and how badley he wants nothing to do with the child. Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. Heres a thought experiment for you: Who then supports the child that the man made? Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. And I do commend him for providing financial support. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. April 9, 2012, 4:59 pm, FancyPants And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. Life is unfair. He didnt marry you. If a woman gets pregnant from a quick, meaningless relationship and tells the father that shes expecting, and the father wants desperately to keep the baby, what do we call the woman who aborts the child anyways? at risk of STDs. Oh, in a perfect world, kerrycontrary He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. And you cant have conception without sperm. When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. There is no way to know this. You dont really get a say in this matter. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. Well be together forever no matter what. is thrown around just to get in some dumb girls pants just as often as I wont get pregnant. is thrown around to trap ignorant dumbasses. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. Ugh so agree with Amanda. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. More like: her: what do you want to do about it? unfortunately, ive seen more than one person take pills the wrong way (whether it be because they forget, dont take it at exactly the same time, dont pay attention to warnings about drug interactions, etc).
You dont have an obligation to be faithful to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend! Watch your language young lady! only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created.. It pays and so do the provider of the sperm. Both of those things cant be true, LW. After that, its not your choice anymore. bittergaymark It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. Men will never have to make that choice. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. They should act responsibly. I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm.
8 Things To Think About If Your Ex Girlfriend is Pregnant You seem too whiny for most womens taste. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. Also, HUGE RED FLAG. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? His right to bang someone without protection could end badly and in this case it did. all the time i thought so until 1 faithful day, i got pregnant. That is how we got our first kid. Or is she trying to get him to live up to his responsibilities (which he brought on himself when he had unprotected sex and got someone pregnant)? So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. iseeshiny But cest la vie. Do you know how much day care alone is a month? And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. Posted Over 1 Month. He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. Hes made a choice. If its not easy, opt out of it. I think we need to take a poll. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. Steve Kellmeyer Who are we talking about now? You can leave this dude, try to learn to live life on your own, try to show compassion toward your fellow women, and try to learn to identify unhealthy relationships straight away, before you find yourself embroiled in more soap-opera style theatrics. Not a double standard at all. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. Wow. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. Though some women seem to believe that is the case. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. People surely arent calling him scum for not taking responsibility, because hes apparently going to provide support. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? BTW, believe it or not, I usually agree with the majority of the commenters here. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. They are babies. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. Oh, and I dont hate women who get child support. iseeshiny I think that is fair. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. I have a friend in somewhat related situation. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. Get over yourself and get over him. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. iseeshiny If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. I mean for fuck sake? Which includes emotional support, not just financial. Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. Then the unlikely happens. iseeshiny Its not a mystery.
I Broke Up With My Boyfriend But Question My Decision 10 Signs Your Ex Is in a Rebound Relationship - Luvze April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. Think of the children. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. Not good enough. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. Take this as a lesson learned. Which is not true. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? On the other hand, once Im in a committed and loving relationship, I like giving blow jobs, even though I dont have any physical satisfaction from it. I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. He was there just as much as that woman was. female
The kid has no blame here. Not to say that a single mother cannot give a child the support she needs alone, but as the father if you wash your hands of being in the childs life, you do not KNOW or even have a reasonable expectation (especially if shes a one night stand youve only known for 2 minutes) that the mother will be a sufficient parent. That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. Stop this back and forth with him. So go control them all you please. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. Come on, though Three times? Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. Documents were drawn up by said lawyers.
She is certain it is his. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. She has every right to be shocked and upset about the turn of the events, but the way she is reacting; blaming everything on the woman, judging her, calling HER names, is wrong and she comes off as an immature, witchy teenager. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! Look you can either take what the LW wrote in the letter to be a marginally accurate representation of what is going on or why bother reading and commenting at all?
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